In my practice, I began to notice that many of my clients struggled with people-pleasing behaviors: always putting others first, saying “yes” when they meant “no,” and feeling guilty for expressing their own needs.

During a bodywork course with my Grinberg Method practitioner, Markus Schnizer, I learned about the different nervous system states and the emotions, feelings and behaviors linked to each one (see picture below). Alongside the well-known fight, flight, and freeze responses, Markus introduced a fourth state to me that I was not familiar with yet: fawning. I became fascinated by this topic and decided to write a blog post about it.

What is a fawn response?

Fawning is a reaction to stress or trauma, much like fight, flight, or freeze. It’s a behavior pattern that develops when someone learns, often subconsciously, that pleasing others is the safest way to avoid conflict, rejection, or harm.

When in a fawning state, a person may:

• prioritize others’ needs and desires over their own
• Say “yes” even when they mean “no”
• Avoid conflict at all costs
• Take responsibility for other people’s emotions
• Lose touch with their own preferences, feelings and authenticity

According to Pete Walker, who introduced the fawn response in 2013, along with other experts in the field, this is one of the most common yet often overlooked responses to stress and trauma.

How fawning develops

Just like the other survival strategies, fawning is a learned coping mechanism designed to maintain safety in threatening or unstable environments — especially during childhood trauma or abusive relationships, where:

• Expressing anger, disagreement, or needs was unsafe or punished
• Love and attention were conditional
• Being helpful or agreeable was the only way to avoid harm or gain approval

Over time, this coping mechanism becomes ingrained in the nervous system as a deeply embedded safety strategy, and it can resurface later in life whenever a ‘similar’ trigger or threat arises.

How it feels to be in the fawning state

Living in a fawning state often means feeling torn between being authentic and keeping others happy. It brings anxiety, guilt, and shame for having your own needs, along with a sense of disconnection and loneliness – being surrounded by people yet unseen for who you truly are. In most cases there is also suppressed anger: feeling resentment but not allowing it to surface. Deep down, there’s a fear of rejection or abandonment if you stop pleasing, the fear of losing love, safety, or connection.

Mentally, it shows up as self-doubt, overthinking, and perfectionism. Your worth starts to depend on others’ approval. Physically, you might notice a tight chest and throat, a collapsed posture, shallow breathing, fatigue and numbness or disconnection from the lower part of the body while remaining in a constant pleasing mode.

Inside, it can feel like: “I don’t know what I want anymore” or “When I say no, I feel guilty.”

What happens inside the body during fawning?

When the body perceives a threat, the amygdala (the brain’s threat detector) activates the autonomic nervous system (ANS) to find a survival strategy.

If fighting, fleeing, or freezing feel unsafe or ineffective, the system turns to fawning: appeasing, pleasing, or taking care of others in order to restore safety and prevent harm.

This response isn’t something we consciously choose, it’s the body’s automatic way of seeking protection.

Why body based therapy can help

Because fawning involves the whole body, not just the mind, it cannot be changed through insight or logic alone. Even when someone knows they can say “no” or set boundaries, their body may still react with:

• Muscle tension
• Shallow breathing
• A sense of collapse or numbness
• Feelings of anxiety, shame, or guilt when asserting themselves

That is because it is the autonomic nervous system, not the rational mind, that governs these safety reflexes.

Body based therapy helps you become aware of your body’s reactions and the patterns that arise automatically. This awareness allows you to reconnect with your body again, tolerate and relax into discomfort, set boundaries, and express yourself authentically — even in situations that once felt unsafe.

Reconnecting with the body

In body based therapy, clients learn to recognize the physical sensations that signal a fawn response before it takes over — sensations like a tightness in the chest, a fluttering in the stomach, or numbness in the limbs.

By bringing awareness to these sensations, they can begin to stop the automatic reaction and make new, conscious choices.

For example: noticing that your chest feels tight and your stomach twists right before you agree to something you don’t actually want — and then taking a deep breath, relaxing the body and allowing yourself to say “no.”

The path toward authenticity

Healing from fawning is ultimately about reconnecting with your own needs and boundaries and learning that it is safe to:

• Say “no”
• Expressing anger and other emotions
• Disagree or disappoint others
• Be authentic without losing safety or love

Through this process, the nervous system learns that safety can exist within authenticity, not just in people pleasing.

Body based therapy provides the tools to embody that truth — learning people to return to a more authentic, grounded, empowered and connected way of being.